"It's knowing you're going to get hurt...trying to walk with one foot in the white world, one foot in the black..." --Johnny Mathis (1963)

"But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house." --St. Mark 6:4 KJV

I know what Mathis means about that tightrope you walk when you live in two worlds, and oftentimes don't feel you belong in either one. I, too, work in the white man's world by day, and live in the black man's world by night.

Like Mathis, being around whites is as second nature to me as breathing. I wasn't born around them, but I knew they existed, not only because of the television, but because two of my grade-school teachers were white. You don't really associate with teachers, though; not if you can help it! I was twelve the first time I met a white kid on a personal level, and it was a quite positive experience. Point of fact, these new white people I met as a child were nicer to me than the new black kids I met! Thanks again to television, I already spoke their language, I even learned to like rock music. As Star Trek Voyager's Seven of Nine would say, I had totally been assimilated culturally. It was hard for black kids to relate to me, even my relatives. I was something of a joke. Frankly, it was hard for me to relate to someone who had trouble communicating with people outside their natural circle. Even more frankly, it still is.

From what I understand, Mathis, too, is surrounded on the business level largely, if not totally, by whites. I don't know for sure, but I get the impression that his is the only colored face in his own office, not counting the occasional relative that comes by. Unlike me, though, he's in charge of all those white people. However, even the professional help he employs: his musicians, interior designers, etc., are white. Why the apparent disregard for affirmative action from a Black man? Who's to say? It's the office manager who hires, normally. It could be that how his office ultimately was staffed was outside his immediate control. And as far as house staff and designers are concerned, I can only guess as to an explanation; perhaps he does like a lot of people do, they hear about people through friends, and use them.

It's certainly an approach that leaves oneself open to attack. I mean, you're going to have some black people looking at this scenario only to shake their heads, saying, "well, he won't hire us, he doesn't live with us, he doesn't work with us, he must not care about us. He's just a Tom, a court jester." Among my own relatives who even know who he is, there aren't too many who think well of Johnny Mathis. In fact, some have used the very aforementioned terminology to describe him, along with a couple others I need not mention. I don't even discuss Mathis with them if I can avoid it, because as a follower, and thus a defender, I expose myself to ridicule. As far as family and some friends are concerned, Johnny Mathis is something of a joke, too. They don't believe Mr. Mathis wants anything to do with the Black community. As far as they're concerned, he's about as white a black man as ever could be invented.

Apparently the relatives aren't the only ones. Ebony magazine did what I thought was a great article in March 1976. This piece painted a picture of a grown man who had finally gained some independence and control over his life and who was finally truly happy with his life. By the time I had done reading the story, I was both appalled and amazed at what he had to go through for the sake of his career and felt proud and happy for him that things were finally on track for him. (Once again, it was with the help of white people, most notably Mathis newly-appointed business manager, Ray Haughn, who set things right.)

Unfortunately, it seems like the article didn't go over too well with Ebony's intended audience, if you go by the letters to the editor in the following month's issue; there was definitely a sense of hostility directed toward Mathis, even a kind of "what's he ever done for us" attitude expressed in one letter.

I've noticed there isn't a lot of notice of Johnny Mathis in the Black magazines anymore. Years ago they at least used to mention his birthday, now they don't bother. They don't mention his new albums or even when he appears on TV. It seems to me that either they have adopted the "if we can't bring up anything we want about him, we won't mention him at all" approach, or they, too, no longer consider him Black.

The subject of "helping your people" had been brought up to Mathis before. Years ago, young John was told that he is, because of his newfound wealth, in a position to be of great help to his people, and he said, "yes, I know, but maybe I can do that just by being; doing what I do the best I know how."

It is a decidedly passive approach, especially from the point of view of someone whose wealth has brought power. Plus, he was still very young when he made that statement, and maybe hadn't had the chance to "see the light" yet. Still, I can understand his point of view, even if you apply it to this day and age.

A lot of us, black people that is, are kind of in a dilemma, even nowadays. We don't have the luxury to be anything BUT the best we know how to be at what we do. Blacks have to be three times as good as a comparable white to keep our jobs. Being mediocre simply isn't in the picture for those of us who are to be professionals. In a lot of ways, racism breeds superiority in its victims: we must work harder, jump higher, run faster.

Life can be a real circus sometimes, and we've all got a kind of tightrope to walk, it seems to me. And we don't just jump hoops for the employers, but for our own people, as well! You're expected to "remember where you came from". Now, that's not to say that you're expected to pass money out to every deadbeat in your family. I've seen the shameless way relatives can beg for money for one thing or another. I've seen how people in city government are oftentimes obligated to put in a word or two for relatives looking for jobs. Nor do I mean to say that a lot of white people don't experience these same type of expectations from their own circle.

I suppose when a person becomes a "name", the society at large is going to expect things of you. Consequently, when a black person makes good, he/she is obligated to a kind of "noblesse oblige" among "the people". When one has made it out of the hole, so to speak, one is expected to provide at least the opportunity for someone else to climb out of the hole. Once they're out of the hole, it's their job to keep from falling back in. But you're at least expected to reach in and offer a hand the first time out.

It's expected of me even at my low level. It wasn't common knowledge to me, either. Someone had to make it known to me. I've been the only Black in my department for a long time at work, and I remember a young man fresh out of junior college who joined my department briefly, which doubled the number of Blacks in my department. Now, by nature, I'm cool to anyone new regardless of color. I tend to let their actions determine whether they are going to be my friends or not. Anyway he didn't stay long, and he got rehired in another department at my company. (Interestingly, he is now the only Black in HIS department) Our different departments share the same floor and one day we were talking and he said, "You know, when I first came here, you wouldn't help me out." I said, "What do you mean?" and he said, "Well, I had to ask the other people for help, I didn't know how to approach white people." Well, I must say, that kind of blew me away! I was like, "Number one, I was not put in charge of training you, and number two, how was I to know you were afraid of white people?"

Unfortunately, this Black version of "noblesse oblige" doesn't apply solely to the fortunate one's immediate family; he or she seems expected to carry the entire population, otherwise you're branded a shameless sellout.

This, I'm afraid, is how some Blacks seem to see Johnny Mathis, due to the fact of the choices he has made in his life as to who he associates and works with. Nobody knows about the little behind-the-scenes things he's done for his people, like financing a fledgling NAACP and SNCC for example, because the publicity organ/management doesn't make it known. I believe it is the lack of public knowledge of the things Mathis has done that causes him to be unfairly scorned not only by the Black people, but by the Black media: radio, print, and television. It's a perfect case of a prophet being not without honor except in his own house.

Mathis likes to hang and work with friends; I think this makes for lousy business decisions sometimes. Notwithstanding, the fact of a lot of his friends and employees being not of his color being a happenstance of birth, I'd bet good money that he is quite aware of his "obligations" to his people, even if, as Duke Ellington said, he feels "THE people" are his people. Johnny Mathis is a very intelligent man. We all have our own corners of the universe to manage. I'm sure Mathis manages his as best he can.

My own experience makes me wonder if Mr. Mathis' relative isolation doesn't cause a problem, though. I mean, unless someone comes out and says there's a problem, sometimes you just don't see one. And if he's surrounded by whites, they certainly are not going to see a problem, so how could they point it out to him? Who besides Mathis can say?

There's no way in the world Mathis is unaware of "the world that is". After all, all the money in the world doesn't shield anyone from the Black experience. Mathis grew up well aware of the race picture, as one might reasonably expect of a young Black man growing up in the 40's and 50's, even in relatively liberal San Francisco. This I will prove in a later installment.

It's hard to understand all we know about what little we know. When you're on the outside, looking in, sometimes you just can't see the whole picture. Especially if you're allowed little more than a crack to look through.